


His life: Your hands

by amphrites



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Angst, Arthur's blaming himself, Arthur's okay with magic, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Magic Revealed, Merlin's in pain, Merthur - Freeform, Morgana knows about magic, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Torture, creepy monster, kidnap, no one dies, self-destructive thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-19
Updated: 2014-04-25
Packaged: 2018-01-20 00:57:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1490797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amphrites/pseuds/amphrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a terrifying creature starts to threaten Camelot and the kingdom, Arthur, Merlin and his knights ride off to fight it. When they defeat the monster, they're surprised at what happens next, resulting in the kidnap of one of them. With a thread that is slowly killing Merlin, can Arthur save Merlin before he accidentally kills him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Jump Into the Fray

**Author's Note:**

> AU: Morgana captures Merlin, and makes an enchanted thread that serves as Merlin’s lifeline. When Arthur receives it anonymously, he thinks it may be a clue to getting Merlin back. But what doesn’t know is that every time it’s pulled, it causes Merlin terrible pain. If it’s unraveled, Merlin dies.  
> \- AU by derekstilinksi.tumblr.com  
> Notes: Flashbacks are italicized. Any long expanse of text that is italicized is past. When switching points of view, I will say their name in bold to show the change. This is my first fic. Have mercy. I’ll post chapter by chapter.

 

**-Arthur-**

_“My Lord, the beast has been seen attacking the outlying villages. Reports have come back about its appearance and…” Arthur trailed off. When he had heard the reports, he scoffed. The description was just wild, too far fetched, a child’s nightmare. But after multiple witnesses swore by the same image, Arthur’s jovial mood faltered._

_“Yes? What does this beast look like?” Uther Pendragon regarded his son coldly, waiting for him to finish. Arthur hesitated, but puffed his chest courageously._

_“My Lord, our reports as well as a number of eye witnesses tell of a beast with… They say this beast has the chest of a lion and the rump of a stag. Its face resembles a badger, and the lion’s mane is the only hair on its body,” Arthur paused, steeling himself for the next part of the description, “and it’s said to have the laugh of a human, with a large mouth always shaped in a grin. The grin goes from ear to ear, exposing a set of human teeth, which are said to sharpen to points when it feeds.”_

_Uther remained silent for some time, mulling over the image in his head. He paced his throne, the court watching him uneasily. Arthur stood his ground, waiting for the King’s verdict._

_“Gaius,” he spoke suddenly, causing the old man to start. “Gaius, do you know of this creature? Have you anything in your books to explain this?” Gaius raised an eyebrow but stayed silent, shaking his head._

_“Sire, if I may, it sounds like it is a creature of magic,” Gaius croaked to Uther. Uther narrowed his eyes, and he turned to his son._

_“Arthur, you will hunt this beast. Take as many men as you need. There is no room for magic in Camelot. I will not stand for it,” he finished, marching out the door. Arthur remained rooted to the stone floor, his boots seemingly welded to the stone._

 

               “Merlin, have you packed your things yet?” Arthur called over his shoulder. He was busy making preparations for the mission at his desk, so he didn’t look up to where he assumed Merlin was making his bed. When silence replied to his question, the Prince looked up, searching the chamber.

               “Merlin? Merlin!” he yelled, his voice echoing off the stone. Outside his doors, he heard someone stumble, and a winded Merlin leaned against the doors.

               “You called, _Sire_?” Honestly, how Merlin made such a title sound like an insult baffled Arthur. He looked down to his papers again, a smile tugging at his lips.

               “Yes, I did. If you had been here like you should have, I wouldn’t have had to scare the entire castle. Honestly, _Mer_ lin, can you do nothing right?” he teased the brunette. Merlin scoffed and walked towards Arthur.

               “Ah well yes, _My Royal Prat_ , I seem to be able to save your sorry life more times than you could count,” Merlin’s voiced dripped with contempt. Arthur knew he shouldn’t be allowed to call him that, but he was Merlin. There wasn’t anything he could do.

               “As you dream, you _idiot_. Anyway, I called to see if you’ve finished packing. It seems like we’ll be gone for three weeks and I will _not_ have you complaining that you didn’t pack enough food for yourself.”

               “Of course, dollop-head. I’ve been ready for ages. It’s you who need to pack,” Merlin sneered. Arthur only smiled.

               “Right. Well isn’t it your _job_ to pack for me? Or are you too incompetent for that as well?” Merlin’s eyes narrowed. He opened his mouth to retort, but before he got the chance, Arthur stood, heading for the door.

               “We leave as soon as Gaius identifies the creature, and Merlin? Remember my chain mail this time, you twit,” Arthur jeered as he walked out the door.

_ _ _

**-Merlin-**

               After scouring the books with Gaius, Merlin pointed to a passage in a water damaged book about times before the banning of magic. Gaius nodded, and set out for the King.

               “Sire, I am quite confident that the creature is called a _leucrocuta_ , a beast of the Old Religion. It’s summoned by a High Priestess, and only follows her orders. It kills with its laugh – the sound drives sane men to insanity,” Gaius informed the King. Uther nodded, trying to figure out a plan.

               “Father, My Lord, now that Gaius has identified the creature, you must let us go and fight it. We can’t just let it destroy the kingdom,” Arthur stepped forward. Merlin saw a flash of something in his eyes, and if he hadn’t known Arthur for years, he wouldn’t have been able to place it as fear.

               “Gaius, do you know how to kill it?” The King inquired softly. Gaius nodded once and looked at Merlin before continuing.

               “Sire, the only way to defeat the _leucrocuta_ is to drive a sword through its mouth, through its grin, and impale it. After that, you must burn the remains, else the Priestess will again summon the monster.”

               “Father, if that is all, please, let me go. I’ll take a couple men, and we’ll make quick work of the beast. Nothing will go wrong, Father,” Arthur insisted. His hands rested on his hips, and Merlin unconsciously moved with him, putting his hands behind his back. Their movements were perfectly in tune.

               “Gaius, you said that the creature is summoned by a sorceress? So it is indeed magic?” Uther ignored his son, returning his gaze once more the old man.

               “Yes, Sire, it is magic,” Uther sighed and wiped a hand over his face.

               “Go, Arthur. Kill it and report back to me. I will not have magic running rampant in my kingdom. Do what you must. Court dismissed.”

 

_ _ _

**-Arthur-**

               “Elyan, scout ahead for a trail. Leon, go left and see if you can find anything, Gwaine, to the right. Percival, start helping me make camp. It’s bloody cold out here and night is coming,” Arthur always felt a little bit at home when he gave orders. Merlin said it was because he always had to have control. Well, what did Merlin know anyway?

               “Arthur, what should I do?” Merlin stood beside him, huddling inside his ruddy brown jacket. He was shivering, all skin and bones with little protection against the cold.

               “Get a fire started, and make sure you don’t grab wet kindling,” Arthur replied. Merlin nodded and hobbled away, making Arthur shake his head. _God, he’s such a dolt_ , Arthur thought affectionately. He turned to the horses, seeking out Llamrei. She nickered softly, when Arthur approached and he stroked her snout.

               “Percival, come help me unload the horses!” Arthur shouted. While they unloaded, Gwaine returned first, crashing through the trees and brush into camp.

               “Yeah, Sire, there’s nothing that way. Just brush and plants. Good gods, where is the fire?” Gwaine prattled on. His chatter filled the campsite and bounced off the surrounding trees.

               “Careful, Gwaine. If you don’t shut up the entire forest is going to know we’re here,” Leon joked from inside the line of trees. He stepped into the clearing soon after, brushing his hair out his eyes. His face grew serious when he regarded Arthur, “Sire, I found nothing to the left trail. Perhaps Elyan?”

               Arthur simply nodded. “Judging by this beast’s description, we’re going to be looking for deer prints. And that shouldn’t be difficult considering we’re in a forest, in spring.” Elyan came thrashing through next, shivering violently from the cold.

               “For god’s sake, why hasn’t anyone started a fire yet? Do you want us all to freeze to death? Sire, I didn’t see anything unusual up ahead,” he huffed and blew on his fingers, trying to keep them from falling off. _Really, why hasn’t someone started a fire yet? Where is Merlin?_ Arthur looked around for a sign of his manservant, but he found nothing.

               “Merlin? Merlin, where are you?” he shouted to the trees. He was about to rise when Merlin stumbled into the clearing, carrying twigs and branches in his arms.

               “ _Mer_ lin! About time! What did you do, chop each branch off the tree? You do realize that you can find branches on the floor too, right?” Gwaine clapped Merlin on the back, upsetting the pile in Merlin’s hands. Wood tumbled to the ground in a crash, rolling every which way.

               “Really, Merlin, just make a fire,” Percival punched his arm. Arthur’s eyes narrowed when he saw Merlin flinch slightly at the pain.

               “Yeah, alright. Order me around. Lazy oafs, you couldn’t make a fire even if your life depended on it,” Merlin grumbled under his breath. Arranging the branches, Merlin tried to light a small piece of kindling, but it wasn’t catching. Arthur watched as Merlin continued to mutter to himself, and as the spark finally caught, Arthur could have sworn that gold replaced Merlin’s vibrant blue eyes. The fire roared soon after, heating the clearing quickly. Hums of appreciation sounded occasionally, and Merlin set to work cooking the meal. Arthur watched as Merlin deftly rolled up his sleeves to handle to dried lamb.

               “Eat up,” Merlin hollered, ladling stew into bowls. Greedy hands grabbed at a bowl and the knights sat on their haunches to eat in peace. Merlin ladled stew into two more bowls before walking over to Arthur. Arthur waited patiently for his food, which he was handed as Merlin sat down next to him.

               “Oh Merlin, this is delicious,” someone, probably Gwaine, exclaimed with a full mouth. Arthur scoffed, _that man really has no etiquette._ Arthur took a sip of the stew, the flavor instantly coming alive in his mouth. He couldn’t stop the groan of satisfaction that escaped him, and Merlin smirked next to him. Arthur swallowed quickly and turned to Merlin.

               “It could be better,” he said cooly, and Merlin scoffed.

               “Better by arse. Cook can’t even make something like that,” Merlin boasted. His outburst caused little puffs of steam to float through the air.

               “Oi, I’ll tell Cook you said that!” Elyan laughed, and Merlin paled. Arthur laughed at the genuine fear in Merlin’s expression. Arthur was about to comment when the hairs on the back of his neck rose. Arthur raised a hand, his expression serious, and everyone fell silent, everyone but Merlin of course.

               “You wouldn’t tell Cook. You wouldn’t want –“

               “Merlin, shut up!” Arthur snapped. He strained his ears to try and hear anything. The clearing was silent besides the crackling of the fire, but then Arthur heard it.

               It was a human laugh. It sounded maniacal, crazed, like some people suffering from delirium from infection. It ghosted through the clearing, and Arthur wanted to scratch at his back, it tingled so hard. Nothing moved for a few moments, but suddenly the clearing came alive.

               Something jumped out of the brush, something massive, and landed beside the fire. Elyan and Leon ran to the swords, throwing them to the remaining knights. Merlin caught a sword as well, and they all turned to face the beast.

               It was even worse in person. Its naked body was covered in welts and rashes, infectious and oozing green pus. Its mane was matted with dried blood, sticking up in odd points. The beady eyes of a badger sat close together above its snout, almost crusted closed. Its legs, those of a deer, were burly, thick sinew wrapping around strong knees and hips. Its hooves clopped along the ground and Arthur realized with horror that each hoof was roughly the size of his face. It was massive, looming over the fire and the knights. It cackled again, and only then did Arthur look at its mouth.

               Human lips stretched ear to ear in an everlasting grin. The corners turned up dramatically, almost curling around. Human teeth, hundreds of them, were visible, but they were covered in grime and bits of flesh. It laughed again, and Arthur shook himself, trying to get the laugh out of his head.

               “On me!” He roared. The knights all crouched, awaiting the signal. Merlin stood by Arthur, his sword drawn in front of him. Three agonizing seconds passed before Arthur cried.

               “Now!” They charged the beast, which reared its ugly head back and charged as well. Gwaine and Percival attacked from the sides, trying to drive their sword into the beast’s soft underbelly, but their blades only slid off, leaving no mark. Leon and Elyan were trying to distract the beast, flitting about in front of its face, occasionally lunging forward to try and stick it with their sword.

               “Merlin, go! Take cover!” Arthur bellowed as he charged the beast. Merlin barely heard his order over the yells of the other men. Arthur joined the fray, trying desperately to get close enough to stab the beast in its creepy grin. It threw off Gwaine, who was attempting to tackle it. He landed in the trees, unconscious. Percival looked at Gwaine for a second, distracted, and was sent flying by one of the beast’s hooves. Leon and Elyan spread out, flanking Arthur.

               “What now, Arthur?” Leon shouted, but before Arthur had a chance to answer, the beast threw its head back and started to laugh in earnest.

               “Cover your ears! Cover them, don’t listen to the laughter!” Arthur screamed, but Elyan had already collapsed, his body twitching and his mouth forming silent words. Leon had his ears covered, but Arthur could see the hysterics in his eyes. The beast advanced, still laughing, and Leon raised his sword in defense, exposing one of his ears. The beast turned and looked straight at him, laughing, and Leon fell to the floor, his hand curling open and closed, his open eyes seeing nothing.

               Arthur was scared, he was truly scared, but he didn’t dare take his hands off of his ears. He kept his eyes on the beast, but his hands did a poor job, letting laughter filter through the gaps between his barriers. He felt like something was crawling on him, and Arthur started swiping at himself. He saw insects, millions of them crawling over his body. They crawled into his ears and into his nose, making it hard for him to breathe. Arthur fell to his knees, writhing under all the insects. His vision darkened as the insects crawled over his eyes, blocking out the world around him. Soon, everything was black.

**-Merlin-**

When the beast started to laugh, Merlin quickly covered his ears, blocking out the sounds.

               “ _Tawelwch_ _!_ ” Merlin whispered. He felt his panic and desperation feed his magic, and he knew his eyes were glowing gold. When he pulled his hands away, Merlin no longer heard anything, like he was deaf.

               Merlin watched as his friends were downed one by one. First Gwaine, because he was an arrogant idiot who never thought before acting, and then concerned Percival, looking at Gwaine for one second too long. Merlin’s heart raced when he saw the beast rear its head. Although he couldn’t hear it, he felt himself shivering. Elyan, then Leon, and then it was just Arthur left. Merlin watched as he tried to block out the sound, but he couldn’t. Merlin couldn’t help but cry out when he saw Arthur fall to his knees, clawing at himself and struggling to draw in a breath. As far as Merlin could see, there was nothing on him, nothing to warrant his frenzied swiping. Finally he went down as well, and Merlin cried out.

               The beast snapped its head towards Merlin, hearing his cry. Merlin saw it tilt its head to the side, and its mouth opened a little. _It must be trying to laugh louder_ , Merlin realized. He was still deaf, and Merlin could have dance with joy. He ran into the clearing, scooping up Arthur’s sword. Merlin knelt by Arthur, scrutinizing his face. He was breathing, to Merlin’s relief, but his eyes flitted under his eyelids, chasing something.

               Merlin rose and turned to the beast, who was pawing the ground anxiously. _Why is it anxious_? Merlin wondered to himself. It obviously had size and strength on its side, and its teeth were already sharpening into points. _It can’t stun me first. It’s lost its true advantage._ Merlin felt like laughing. With renewed strength, Merlin sprinted straight at the beast, who back up in fear.

               " _M_ _etel cryfach!"_ Merlin yelled, although he didn’t hear it. Magic flowed to the sword, surrounding it in a yellow cloud. The sword left Merlin’s hand and flew to its target. The beast stumbled over its hooves, but it was too slow. The sword drove through its mouth and impaled it to a tree, the beast mounted on the sword.

                _"Clywed_ ," Merlin murmured and suddenly the night was filled with sounds. He heard Gwaine groan over where he fell, and he heard Elyan suck in a sharp breath. Arthur and Leon slowly rose as well, the beast’s enchantment leaving them. Percival shot into a sitting position, looking around frantically until he saw Gwaine sitting up, when he relaxed a little more.

               “ _Mer_ lin, did you actually just kill that thing?” Arthur seemed truly surprised, and Merlin bristled.

               “Well, yes, someone had to,” he shot back. His head was starting to spin from the magic he’d done, and his patience was waning.

               “But that laughter, how did you fight through it?” Elyan came up behind Merlin, his brow furrowed in confusion. Merlin panicked, _how do I explain?_ He thought.

               “Ah well, we all know Merlin has enough grime stuck in his ears to block out any sound. Explains why you never come when I call, Merlin, or when I give you orders,” Arthur joked, but an edge crept into his voice at the last words. Leon glanced between the two of them, and cleared his throat loudly.

               “Let’s just rebuild camp and in the morning we’ll head home, okay Merlin? Sire? It’s been a long two weeks, tracking this thing,” he mediated. Arthur and Merlin sighed and nodded, turning away.

               “We need a fire. Remember what Gaius said? We have to burn the body. The bloody thing put out the fire though…” Percival nodded towards the skewered beast.

               “Alright, let’s make a fire and burn the thing,” Arthur agreed, moving towards the beast. Merlin followed, holding the stones to start the fire. Soon, they all watched as the beast burned, slowly turning to ash. The mood was somber as they turned back to the campsite. Gwaine ran ahead, but then hissed.

               “Ah the bastard knocked over the stew,” Gwaine muttered, eliciting a laugh from the rest of the group.

_ _ _

**-Arthur-**

               “Merlin, you still awake?” Arthur whispered from his position as guard. Gwaine was snoring heavily next to Percival, who leaned against a tree and slept silently. Arthur looked around and saw Leon sleeping on his side, facing Elyan, who slept fitfully on his back. Looking around, he spotted where Merlin’s bedroll was, the farthest from the fire. Arthur felt guilty, his bedroll the closest to the fire, and he knew it was wrong to let Merlin insist to sleep the farthest away.

               “Merlin? If you’re awake, come move closer to the fire. Come on you masochistic idiot, you’re going to freeze,” Arthur whispered, louder. Merlin’s bedroll wiggled, and Arthur saw a head of messy brown hair rise slowly. Merlin turned around to face Arthur, squinting unhappily. Sleep was written heavily on his face, and Arthur couldn’t help but laugh at the expression. Merlin’s eyes narrowed more, and he defiantly dropped into the bedroll.

               “Fine, if you don’t want to sleep by the nice fire, fine by me. You might freeze,” Arthur coaxed. He knew Merlin. He knew that Merlin was too self-sacrificing, even if he was a little annoying. He also knew that with a little persuasion, Merlin was mildly obedient.

               “Errg, I hafe you, Arfur,” Merlin mumbled as he rolled his bedroll to the fire. Settling close to the flames, Merlin sighed contentedly. Arthur smiled and returned to guard duty. After Merlin killed the beast, the forest seemed like any other forest. Crickets returned, and somewhere by the stream a frog croaked.

               “Sure you do, Merlin,” Arthur murmured, but Merlin was already asleep. “Hey, Merlin?”

               “What Arthur, what do you want?” Merlin grumbled. His blue eyes held a mixture of anger and sleep, and his voice was heavy with exhaustion.

               “How did you defeat the _leucrocuta_? It downed all of us quickly, but you seemed immune?” Arthur had pondered this while the men slept, but his curiosity got the better of him. Merlin sighed and rolled over so that he was facing Arthur.

               “I found some sap on one of the trees and I molded it into a kind of stopper,” he replied. Arthur heard something in his tone, but he couldn’t place it.

               “That’s very clever of you, Merlin,” Merlin’s chest puffed, “glad to know that my dazzling wit is rubbing off on you.” Merlin sank back down into the bedroll.

               “Yes well let’s hope your prattiness doesn’t rub off on me as well, hm?” he retorted quickly. Arthur opened his mouth to reply when an arrow struck the tree next to his head.

               Suddenly the campsite was alive with yelling and bodies. Bandits streamed into the camp, swinging their swords blindly. Gwaine tackled three of them, while Percival stood at his back, fighting off anyone who advanced. Leon was fighting three, and Elyan had two. Arthur counted twenty bandits, and he ran into the fight. He charged two of them, striking them easily. They fell in no time, and Arthur’s brow furrowed. Looking around, he saw that the bandits fell quickly, much too quickly. Barely a scratch befell the knights, and they seemed barely winded. Something tugged at his stomach, eating at his insides. _Something isn’t right…_ he thought… When the last bandit fell, the knights looked around.

               “Well, might I say, these bandits are getting shabbier,” Gwaine quipped, but even he could feel something was amiss.

               “Sound off,” Arthur called out, suddenly realizing what felt wrong.

               “Here,” Leon replied.

               “Here,” Elyan said.

               “Right here, mate,” Gwaine responded, and Percival soon after. _One, two, three, four, five…_ There were only five people in the camp. Arthur internally groaned.

               “Merlin?” he whirled around, scouring the camp, at the bodies. All of the bodies were clad in armor, none wore a blue tunic and red neckerchief. “Merlin!”

               Silence answered him.


	2. A Thread's Length Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur searches for Merlin but finds nothing but a single thread. Merlin finds himself trapped by Morgana, wishing for death to come soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to anyone who read the first chapter and waited for this one. I'll try to be consistent. 
> 
> And also, side note, I evaluated my writing style and it said I write like J.K. Rowling. Enough said.

**-Arthur-**               

               “Merlin? Merlin, answer me!” Arthur ran through the forest, hating himself for being so stupid. _Why did I let him out of my sight?_ Arthur cried. The knights followed closely, yelling for Merlin as well. No one had noticed, in the heat of battle, Merlin’s disappearance.

               “Arthur, Sire, stop. Stop, we aren’t going to be able to find him while it’s still night. Wait until dawn, she’ll be here soon. Arthur!” Leon called after him. Arthur shook his head and continued on.

               “How can you just give up on him?” his eyesight was getting blurrier and he was humiliated to find tears running down his cheeks.

               “Arthur!” Something tackled him from behind, “Arthur, Sire, forgive me, but you must stop. We all care about Merlin, but we’re only getting ourselves lost. Please, Sire,” Leon pleaded, helping Arthur to his feet. Arthur wanted to refuse but the tactical side of him knew Leon was right. He nodded and sniffed. Wiping his eyes quickly, he straightened up and returned to the campsite.

               “Get some rest. At first light we move out,” he ordered, and the knights lay back down. No one was able to fall asleep, but what else could they do? Arthur sat stiffly by the dwindling fire and kept watch. _Stupid, stupid, stupid_ , he berated himself. This was all his fault, and because he didn’t lead well, Merlin was missing. His best friend was gone, and it was all Arthur’s fault. Arthur bit back a cry, and sucked in a breath.

 _I’ll find you, Merlin. I won’t leave you_.

 

**-Merlin-**

_“Yes well let’s hope your prattiness doesn’t rub off on me as well, hm?” he retorted quickly. Arthur opened his mouth to reply when an arrow struck the tree next to his head. Arthur immediately shot into the air, grasping for his sword that laid in the dirt beside him. Merlin watched as bandits streamed into the camp from all sides, surrounding them. Gwaine and Percival fought together, while Elyan and Leon stuck close by._

_Merlin shot out of his bedroll, spinning around for a sword or some weapon to use. A fallen bandit laid close by, and Merlin snatched the curved sword from the dead bandit’s hand. Charging into the battle, Merlin clashed swords with a bandit by the edge of the camp. The bandit was strong and was quickly overpowering Merlin._

_“Cryfhau i mi. Cryfhau i mi!” Merlin rasped. Energy poured through his limbs, and Merlin drove the bandit back. With a clever flick of the sword, the bandit was down. Adrenaline and magic coursed through Merlin, and he turned to take on another bandit._

_“Rhewi!” Merlin heard someone behind him yell, and he whirled around to see Morgana with her hand outstretched to Merlin, her eyes flushing yellow. His knees buckled and suddenly Merlin couldn’t move his limbs. He fell to the ground, unnoticed in the heat of the moment. Black crept into his vision, and a dull pain throbbed behind his eyes. The last thing he saw before he passed out was Morgana levitating him from the ground and floating him towards her._

_Arthur, no, Arthur, it’s a trap, Merlin thought helplessly._

 

               The first thing Merlin was aware of was the biting of cold metal on his wrists. The manacles cut into his skin, and Merlin knew they had drawn blood. The pain in his shoulders throbbed, low and incessant, and judging by the pain in his chest, Merlin decided he was hanging by his wrists above the ground.  Everything was black, and for a few terrible moments Merlin thought he was blind. Upon further investigation, he realized that his eyes were closed and with a puff of relief he opened them.

               Light filtered through a small window on the wall to his left, lighting up the stone room. That was the only window, and if there was a door, it must have been behind Merlin, because all he saw was stone. Looking up and ignoring the shooting pain in his neck, he saw the chains were attached to a hook on the ceiling. Opening his mouth to unlock the chains with an incantation, Merlin yelped because something was covering his mouth. A thick leather strip wrapped around his mouth, effectively cutting off any movement or speech. Merlin thrashed against his bonds, the chains rattling uselessly. The din must have carried, because Merlin soon felt someone join him in the room.

               “Well, well, well. Glad to see you awake,” a familiar voice sniggered. Merlin froze. It had been many months, maybe even a couple of years, since he had heard that voice. She hadn’t been seen in Camelot for some time, and Uther had never given up on her.

               “Hello, Merlin,” Morgana Pendragon stepped into Merlin’s line of sight. She was dressed in black, her wild hair pouring from her head in tangled knots. Dark circles outlined Morgana’s eyes, and her lips were pale and chapped, her skin white. A twinge of fear and pity flashed through Merlin’s stomach.

               “Sorry, Merlin, but everyone knows about how Arthur feels about you. He’d do anything for you, the imbecile. Yes, well, works for me, doesn’t it? After months of fuming, I knew I had to do something,” Morgana circled Merlin, a sneer pulling at her lips. Merlin’s eyes narrowed when he realized what her words implied, but a smaller, stupider part of him thought, _what does he feel about me?_

               “Yes, I’m surprised you and Gaius didn’t figure it out, honestly Merlin, how many priestesses of the Old Religion are left to summon a _leucrocuta_?” Merlin’s eyes widened. _Why didn’t we realize this sooner?_ He panicked.

               “Oh don’t beat yourself up too much, Merlin,” she laughed, and Merlin tried to say something in response, but the leather cut off his words. With a flick of her hand, Morgana removed the strap around his mouth.

               “Morgana,” he breathed, “what are you doing?”

               “Well, Merlin, I think that’s clear,” she titled her head, like she was talking to a child.

               “Why take me? Why summon the beast? What do you want?” he rattled off, questions overflowing. Morgana only smiled.

               “You, Merlin, are Arthur’s weakness. He would do anything to save you. Summoning the beast was to lure you out, because once I have you, Merlin, I can make Arthur suffer,” a hard edge entered Morgana’s voice at the last phrase, and her eyes were like ice.

               “What do you plan to do, Morgana? Torture me? Kill me? Whatever you do, Arthur isn’t stupid enough to risk his life and the kingdom to come after me. You’ll fail, Morgana,” Merlin couldn’t believe Morgana would think that Arthur cared for him. _Where did that come from?_

               “By taking you, Arthur will blame himself. He can’t help it, it’s who he is. And he _will_ try and save you, Merlin. Uther might hold him back, but he’ll find a way. He’ll look, but he won’t find you, Merlin. Until I want him to find you, he’ll look forever. Oh the thought brings me happiness,” Morgana laughed and came to face Merlin.

               “Morgana wait, what are you doing?” Merlin demanded as Morgana unwrapped Merlin’s red neckerchief from around his neck. She tore a thread from the scarf and held it up in front of Merlin’s face. She carefully wrapped the cloth back around Merlin’s neck.

               “The only thing better than having Arthur try and find you is giving him clues that leave him lost. And _deadly_ clues, because who doesn’t love a bit of danger?” Morgana smiled at the thread and Merlin’s mouth dropped open. _She’s gone mad_ , he thought helplessly.

               Turning away from him, Morgana held the thread up to her lips, her shoulders hunched over. Merlin strained on his restraints, trying to figure out what she was up to, but she stayed hidden. Something dropped on his head, and Merlin looked up to see fresh cuts on his wrist from the manacles.

               “ _Rhoi byoyd yn y trywydd_ ,” Merlin heard Morgana whisper. She straightened then, a smug smile on her face. Holding up the thread, she looked at Merlin, an expectant expression on her face.

               “What did you do to the thread, Morgana?” Merlin’s brow furrowed, and Morgana didn’t reply. Instead, she held the two ends of the thread in her hands, and with a growing smile, she pulled the string taught.

               It felt like fire was running through his heart. Merlin gasped for air as pain coursed through every part of him. His veins felt like they were closing up, and Merlin whimpered. The pain of multiple stab wounds joined the fire, and Merlin convulsed. He was sure that blood was everywhere, dripping to the floor, but he saw nothing. Sweat broke out on his forehead, and Merlin gulped over and over again.

               “Please, s-stop. M-make it stop,” he begged, clenching his lips together. Morgana nodded and loosened her hold on the string. The fire disappeared, taking the knife pains with it. She threw her head back and laughed, obviously relishing in the moment.

               “What… What did you do? To the string?” Merlin gasped, trying to keep himself from passing out. His eyes blurred and his muscles screamed with fatigued.

               “I have tied your life line to it,” Morgana chuckled. Merlin sucked in a breath and Morgana continued, “I have made it so that when the string is pulled on, you feel immense pain. And if it’s cut or unraveled, you die.”

               “Why would you do that? What do you plan to do with it?” Merlin demanded. His eyesight improved somewhat, and he could see Morgana looking at the thread.    

               “Haven’t you been listening? I’ll leave a dead end trail, with this as a clue, and then Arthur will brood over you holding the thread, pulling at it, weakening you. He’ll be killing you!” Morgana cackled at her plan. It was an ingenious plan, Merlin had to admit, and he wasn’t sure how it was going to fail. If _it failed_ , a small voice in his head whimpered.

               “Why do you hate him so much?” Merlin whispered. The lack of sleep and pain muddled his brain, making it hard for him to stay conscious. Morgana’s smile quavered, and something glimmered in her eyes, but she rectified it, plastering a smug grin on her face.

               “I hate him for what he’s done to magic. I hate him for what he’s done to my kind,” she looked at Merlin and said, “ _Our_ kind.” Merlin gasped. _She knew_ , his mind reeled, trying to remember any moment when Morgana could have found out.

               “What- What are you talking about, Morgana? I don’t have magic, wh-” Morgana cut him off before he could finish the lie, pulling on the string again. Merlin moaned and bit his lip. His body rocked through the pain, and his legs shook above the ground. The pain disappeared and Merlin couldn’t help the small sob that escaped his lips. Closing his eyes, Merlin breathed unevenly, in and out, in and out. A cold hand grabbed his face, squeezed his cheeks together and lifting his head up.

               “Don’t lie to me, _Emrys_ ,” Morgana snarled, inches away from Merlin’s face. He closed his eyes again, and she threw his head back. Exhaustion finally won over, and Merlin thanked the heavens for the escape.

 

 

**-Arthur-**

               When the sun filtered through the trees onto the sleeping men, Arthur stood. He had refused to let himself sleep, punishing himself for Merlin’s disappearance. It had been a couple hours since the bandits attacked, and the knights fell into a fitful sleep after. Everything in Arthur urged him to wake the knights up and to start looking for Merlin, to stop wasting time, but he knew his knights were exhausted, so he rocked on his heels and waited. When the sun started to shine in earnest, and the morning bird sang, Arthur stood. His knees protested, but he told himself he deserved it.

               “Wake up, all of you,” Arthur ordered, and the knights slowly opened their eyes. Gwaine grumbled but started to pack up his things, along with the rest. Within minutes they cleared the campsite and had loaded the horse. Arthur packed Merlin’s bedroll, loaded his horse. He wouldn’t let anyone touch Merlin’s horse, instead he tethered it to his own. When they set off, it rode in front with Arthur, as it had always done when Merlin was riding it. Arthur bit back tears at the sight of the bare saddle.

               “Sire, do you have any idea which way he went?” Leon asked behind him. His voice was soft, tender and Arthur breathed heavily.

               “No, but that will not stop us. We will split up and comb the forest in spokes. Trace back to the campsite. We will meet here at the end of the day. Go as far out as you can,” Arthur directed, and Leon nodded. The knights turned away, leaving Arthur with Merlin’s horse. He wasn’t sure how he was ever going to find Merlin, but there was no way in hell he was going to give up. Heading straight, Arthur looked to the ground, the branches lying low to the ground. Years of hunting and tracking instincts kicked in, and his expert eyes missed nothing. A broken branch lay ahead, and Arthur dropped from his horse.

               “Please,” Arthur prayed. _Please let it lead to Merlin_ , he prayed. But when he reached the footprint, he saw it belonged to a fox. _Damn it all_ , Arthur cursed, hating everything. He hated the godforsaken forest for being seemingly endless. He hated the ground for not providing him with tracks to follow. He hated how useless he felt right now.

               Arthur had to sit down and breathe. He leaned against a fallen tree and just breathed. In and out, in and out. _You’ll find him_ , he told himself, _you have to_. Sighing, Arthur stood up to continue searching when he heard a twig snap off the side. His head flew around to face the noise, but he saw nothing. A gut feeling told him to follow the noise, so Arthur trudged through the brush.

               Nothing looked amiss, but nothing wouldn’t have just made a noise. Arthur looked harder, scared to breathe in case he upset something. Everything was green, and as he scanned the small space, all he saw was green.

               _Red._ Arthur looked again. He had seen a speck of red somewhere, he knew it. Looking again, Arthur examined a small flowering plant in front of him. _Red._

               On the plant was a small red thread. It was a single thread, but it looked like it had torn off of something. That red was familiar, Arthur could have sworn he’d seen it a thousand times, but he couldn’t place it.

               _Merlin_. Arthur gasped, because he knew where it was from. He’d thought he’d seen that red a thousand times, and he had. It had been wrapped around Merlin’s neck every day, attached to his neckerchief. Arthur could laugh with relief because now, he’d finally picked up a trail. Arthur moved to pick up the small thread, but it stuck to the plant, caught on a thorn. He tried to untangle it, but it wouldn’t budge, so Arthur pulled. The string tightened, and he pulled harder, bending the plant. He tugged and tugged until finally the plant released the thread. He looked at the thread, holding it in his hand, and he smiled again. _Merlin, this is Merlin’s. I’m coming, Merlin_.

 

**-Merlin-**

               Morgana had unchained him, finally, and Merlin lay sleeping on the floor of the stone room. He awoke quietly, immediately remembering where he was, what had happened. Using his magic, he scanned the room, taking in every movement, every disturbance. Something large was watching him from across the room, and it stayed unmoving, though Merlin could sense a heartbeat.

               “Open your eyes, _Emrys_. I know you’re awake,” Morgana jeered. Merlin started at the name the druids gave him, unused to hearing it from her mouth. Merlin opened his eyes, slowly, and saw Morgana sitting on a lavish chair across from him. It must have been put there while Merlin was sleeping, because it was much too massive to have fit there while Merlin was hanging. Merlin tried to rise, but his arms felt like jelly and a ringing sounded in his ear.

               “Don’t bother to get up, you’ll only hurt yourself more,” Morgana sniped as she rose. When she rose, the chair backed into the stone wall, melting into the stone. Now the room was empty except for them.

               “Where is it?” Merlin replied, looking at Morgana’s empty hands. Her dress had no pockets, and he didn’t see red anywhere on her black dress.

               “Let’s just say that you’re one step closer to dying,” Morgana snickered. Merlin’s brow furrowed as he tried to understand, but it didn’t make sense. He racked his brain, and suddenly it came to him. _She’s already given Arthur the thread_. His eyes widened, making Morgana’s smile grow.

               “Oh yes, I’ve placed it very nicely, easy for Arthur to find, but not too easy that he’ll be suspicious. And oh, why not have a little fun, I attached to a _thorn bush_ ,” Morgana simpered, and Merlin’s stomach clenched. Thinking of Arthur, stupid, stubborn Arthur, pulling the thread free of the thorns made Merlin want to vomit.

               “How long until he finds it?” Merlin breathed. He set his head back down on the floor, trying not to expect the pain.

               “Well, when I placed it there, I purposefully broke a stick, so Arthur must have heard it. That was a few minutes ago.”

               “So anytime now.”

               “Yes.”

               They waited in silence, one smug and the other sick. Merlin felt like he his stomach was burning, it coiled and curled uncomfortably. He couldn’t sit still, like his legs needed to be walking for something to do. The silence was deafening, and Merlin was afraid to break it, in case his words were cut off by the… by the pain.

               Merlin tried to imagine Arthur, he tried to imagine what Arthur was doing, what he was thinking. He could see Arthur searching the forest. He’d probably split up the group and make them go in different directions until they met back at the camp. He’d probably take Merlin’s horse with him, and he’d probably beat himself about Merlin’s disappearance. This saddened Merlin, and he didn’t know why. Just the thought of Arthur abuse himself made Merlin’s heart twinge. He could see Arthur looking through the forest, see him hear the branch snap, hear Morgana. Merlin could see Arthur crashing through the forest like the oaf he was and finding the thread. Finding the thread, he’d try to take it off the thorn bush. He’d try to unravel it, but then he’d –

               Pain shot through Merlin. It coursed up his legs and fanned out in his chest. He could hardly breathe, and some rational part of his mind wondered if he would die by suffocation. His muscles clamped down, and his back went rigid. The fire spread, the pain worse than the last time, and it scorched through Merlin’s lungs. Soon the stabbing pains joined again, and Merlin whimpered as he felt like he was bleeding out. It seemed to last forever, and Merlin howled. _Arthur, let go of the damn thing. Stop pulling on it, you idiot._ Merlin tried to tell Arthur to just drop the damn thing, but it wasn’t working. Arthur must have been legitimately tugging on the thread, because the pain came in unbearable waves, like the thread was being pulled on in short bursts. Suddenly, the thread must have come off the thorns because the pain eased itself out of Merlin, and he gasped for breath. _Impeccable timing, Arthur._

               “Well, I think we can say that Arthur’s got the thread, hm?” Morgana laughed again, and vanished from the room.


	3. Dead End Paths and Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur waits for his fellow knights while he holds the thread, and Merlin has an almost heart to heart with Morgana. Arthur continues to pull on the thread, and Merlin continues to wish he was dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so thanks again for reading. 
> 
> um, sorry, but I think I ship perwaine... so there's perwaine in here... just slightly. Ignore it if you want. I'll decide whether or not to tag it later. It's not that prominent so...

**-Arthur-**

               Arthur wanted to continue on after finding the thread, but now that he had some connection to Merlin, his mind was leveled and he realized it’d be best to wait for the knights. He rode back to the campsite and waited, but the other knights did not return for quite some time. Arthur twiddled the thread in his hand, and for some strange reason, it felt like he was holding Merlin. Like the thread had more than just a sentimental tie to Merlin. _Crazy, that’s impossible_.

               He was in the process of wrapping the thread into a small wad when Leon returned. His face was desolate, but Arthur didn’t mind. He knew the way to go. He had a way to Merlin. He felt invincible.

               “Sire, I found nothing. I combed the forest, met with Gwaine and Elyan on the sides of my search. Nothing. I’m sorry, Sire,” his voice dripped with shame, his head hung.

               “Do not worry, Leon, I have found the trail,” Arthur consoled the knight, whose head flicked up. Arthur grinned and held up the thread.

               “Sire, is that- Did that come from his neckerchief, Sire?” Leon asked. Arthur could see the hope in his eyes, and he nodded. Leon laughed and clasped his hands behind his head.

               “Leon, do you know how far off the others are?” Arthur was anxious to get back to his search, but he couldn’t just abandon his knights.

               “When I met with Elyan, he was on his last trip. He should be here soon. As for Gwaine, I cannot say. I did not see Percival, so I do not know his progress. Sire, if I may, can I see the thread?” Leon held his hand out, and Arthur pulled back. He didn’t want to let go of the thread, of his only tie to Merlin. _Don’t be a fool, you’re being irrational. It’s just a thread. Hand it to Leon._ Arthur scolded himself, but still he hesitated. _He’ll be careful with it. Just don’t give it to Gwaine_. Shaking his head, Arthur handed the small thread to Leon, who carefully brought it up to his eyes, against the sun.

               “Sire, there seems to be blood on the thread,” Leon’s voice lurched, and Arthur snatched the thread back. He was too fast for Leon, and he pulled the thread from where it was clasped loosely in his fingers. It pulled taught, and then fell into his hands. He held it up, as Leon had, and noticed the discoloring in patches on the thread. Merlin had been bleeding, seemingly from his neck. Arthur could have killed someone, fury raged inside him.

               “They will pay. Those bandits, whoever they’re with, they will pay,” Arthur growled. Leon bowed his head and turned away, leaving the Prince to stew. _Those mongrels, those sick bastards. Merlin is good. He is everything that is good and trusted. How dare they take him? He is innocent. He has done nothing. I will find him. They will pay. They will pay for hurting him. They will pay for hurting my friend._

               “Sire, here comes Elyan,” Leon called, and Arthur turned. Elyan was also empty handed, the bearer of bad news.

               “My Lord, nothing. Not a track, nor trace of him. Of anyone, for that matter,” Elyan bemoaned. He fell to the ground, putting his head into his hands. Leon patted him on the shoulder.

               “Elyan, Arthur has found a trail. We’ll find him,” Leon smiled. Elyan looked up, at Arthur. Arthur nodded, and Elyan breathed deeply.

               “Thank god. Gwen would kill me if we didn’t find Merlin,” Elyan joked, and Leon laughed. Arthur mustered a smile. _Merlin would kill me if I don’t find him. I’ll never hear the end of it._

               “Sire, please sit. You’ll make yourself anxious. All we can do right now is wait,” Leon patted the ground beside him and appraised Arthur. Arthur narrowed his eyes but sat. Leon was right, of course. All he could do was wait.

 

**-Merlin-**

               Relief didn’t last long. Soon after Arthur had found the string, he must have tugged on it again, or someone else had pulled at it, because a mere two seconds of pain racked through him. It was there and gone in a flash, and it left Merlin winded and daze. Merlin wanted to say it was like being slapped, but he knew that that couldn’t describe it. Merlin wanted to lay on the floor forever, melt into the cold stone and die there, but he wouldn’t give Morgana the satisfaction. Pushing himself up, Merlin clamped his lips together and pushed himself until he was leaning against a wall. He had to close his eyes, the room was spinning so hard.

               Morgana considered Merlin, her expression unreadable. Merlin shot her a glance before leaning his head against the wall.

               “So what, we’re just going to sit here and you’re going to watch as Arthur kills me?” Merlin’s voice broke on the Prince’s name, but Morgana didn’t notice, or paid no mind to it.

               “Yes, but I thought we might as well be civil. Why not talk, sorcerer to sorceress?” Morgana smiled, but Merlin frowned.

               “How did you know I had magic?” Merlin couldn’t help the question that was bursting inside him. “I know I didn’t show it to you. You have had no opportunity to see it.” Morgana shook her head.

               “I had _every_ opportunity to see it. Arthur may be blind, but I’m not. It started with Ealdor, when you lit the fire to cut off Kanan and his men. I didn’t hear the flints, but it lit. Then my suspicious grew as Arthur continuously came back from battle, bloody, ruthless battles. His army was decimated but he escaped with scrapes. He may be a fighter, a strong warrior, but even he had to get tired.

               “You confirmed my suspicions when you poisoned me. As you were standing there, watching me choke, watching me _die_ , I could feel it. My powers had grown, and I could sense the magic rolling off you. It was intoxicating,” Morgana shivered in the memory, and Merlin’s stomach clamped. If Morgana had noticed, who else had? 

               “Don’t worry, I didn’t tell anyone. Arthur would have killed me for accusing you,” she chuckled, and Merlin couldn’t believe his ears. _Arthur wouldn’t kill her, she’s the King’s ward. I’m just his servant_.

               “Morgana, why? Why did you do all of this, you had magic, you could have used it for good. Instead of turning away from Uther, you would have been one of the only people to persuade him to let magic come back. Morgana, why would you chose evil?” Merlin implored. Morgana’s lip quivered, and she turned away.

               “Uther would never have listened to me. He’d have me executed before I could say _sorcery_. The only way to bring magic back is to have him and Arthur dead,” it sounded like she was trying to convince herself more than Merlin.

               “No, Uther loves you more than anything. As much as he loves Arthur. He wouldn’t have killed you. But you chose evil anyway. You could have been so good. I could have taught you, Morgana. I could have taught you so much, like I wanted to from the beginning, but you chose the easy route, the evil path,” Merlin wasn’t sure if he was comforting her or insulting her, but he couldn’t stop his words. Her eyes flashed with anger at his words.

               “ _’From the beginning?’_ What do you mean, from the beginning?” Morgana roared. Merlin gulped, realizing his mistake. Merlin took a deep breath.

               “I knew, Morgana. I knew of your magic. When your dreams starting to come true, I figured you were a seer, and I wanted to help you, guide you, but I didn’t. And for that I am truly sorry. This is my fault, I should have stopped this,” Merlin whispered. Morgana’s mouth dropped open.

               _“You knew_. You knew. You saw how I suffered because of it, hating myself, fearing myself. You saw it, and did nothing. How dare you,” Morgana brought her hand up, her eyes glowing gold. Something closed around Merlin’s throat, and the air was cut off. He clawed at his neck, trying to pull off whatever was strangling him. There was nothing there, and white stars appeared in his eyesight. He gasped for air, like a fish out of water, and his eyes bulged. Morgana brought her hand down, and Merlin gasped, the air rushing back into his lungs almost painful. He breathed heavily, his heart pounding in his ears.

               “I’m sorry,” he wheezed. Morgana’s face crumpled, and she disappeared. Merlin closed his eyes, a small tear falling down his cheek. _Death, come quick._

 

**-Arthur-**

               The knights had all returned except for Gwaine, and Arthur paced restlessly. He cursed the man, muttering under his breath. The sky was starting to darken, and at this rate the group wouldn’t be able to follow Merlin until the next morning.

               “God, hurry up, Gwaine,” Arthur breathed. Leon looked at him, but said nothing. Percival paced as well, scanning the trees. With every passing minute that Gwaine was gone, Percival grew more anxious. Arthur watched Percival fret, saw the true emotion in his eyes. He saw fear, anger, worry, and yearning in his eyes. Arthur knew that look. He was pretty sure he was wearing it now. Arthur had guessed what passed between Percival and Gwaine, and he said nothing.  Arthur continued to pace, looking up at the sky. The sky was a light pink, dusk painting the distant mountains in oranges and reds. In the east Arthur could see dark blue night approaching, and he willed Gwaine to move faster.

               “Screw it, someone’s got to go look for him,” Percival burst. He was ready to crash into trees when Gwaine walked leisurely into camp. When he saw the other men’s expression or anger and worry and irritation, he stopped.

               “What did I do this time?” He looked around. Percival walked towards him slowly, and then punched him in the nose. Gwaine fell backwards, and tasted blood.

               “Dammit, Percy, you broke my nose. Is that any way to treat the one who found the trail to Merlin?” He grinned, but the blood and the darkening sky made him look macabre. Arthur charged him.

               “What did you say?” He grabbed Gwaine and hoisted him up, onto his feet. Gwaine frowned slightly, and held up some of Merlin’s blue tunic, torn off from the original fabric. Arthur’s eyes widened. Gwaine had gone in the exact opposite direction. Arthur held up the thread, examining it more closely. Maybe it wasn’t Merlin’s. Maybe someone else had passed through with the same color cloth and had accidentally bled on it. Maybe Arthur had been wrong.

               But he knew he wasn’t. He could feel it in his nerves. This thread was a part of Merlin’s neckerchief. Arthur could _feel_ the connection. But Gwaine was definitely holding up a part of Merlin’s tunic.

               “Sire, what does this mean?” Leon asked him from behind. Arthur took the swatch of cloth from Gwaine and turned his back to the men, looking at each. _You can only follow one trail. If you go down the wrong one, Merlin might die_.

               “Gwaine, when you found this, were there more tracks after?” Arthur asked him, not looking up.

               “Yes, there were. I wanted to follow them, but I figured I might as well take you guys along. They started by the creek some ways down, and they lead north.

               “Towards Tir-ḿor,” Arthur added. He wasn’t sure what do to, but he hadn’t seen any tracks lead away from the thread. It would be futile to try and go his way.

               “Alright, pack up. Gwaine, lead the way,” Arthur sighed. He held onto the cloth and thread, but something was eating at him. Neither path seemed right. He didn’t want to follow either, but what else could he do? He stocked his feelings to nerves and nothing more.

 

**-Merlin-**

               “So where are we anyway?” Merlin asked when Morgana returned. Her temper seemed to have faded but she still regarded him with a stiff jaw.

               “An abandoned castle west of your campsite. It was used as a housing unit for royal guests of thing King, but it hasn’t been used in centuries,” Morgana answered with any emotion.

               “Won’t that be obvious?”

               “Of course. That’s why I had to confuse them.”

               “How do you mean?”

               “I made two trails, going north and south. They won’t know to go west,” the conversation seemed to tire Morgana, for she summoned the decorated chair and fell upon it. Merlin’s blood froze and his heart sped up.

               “You said you’d keep me here until you wanted him to find me. When is that?” Merlin knew the question was a stretch, pushing his luck, but the constant fear of the pain and his fear of being separated from Arthur took away his inhibitions.

               “I don’t know yet, Merlin. Only once both of you have suffered a great deal,” she paused and rested her head on her hand. She opened her mouth, but then closed it. She repeated this a few times before she finally spoke, “What would you have taught me?”

               Merlin heard the small twinge in her voice, and his throat closed up. He wanted to cry, to comfort her somehow, but he wouldn’t let himself.

               “I would have taught you everything. I would have taught you how to turn on the light with magic and how to make withering flowers blossom. Morgana, I would have taught you so much. You’d be able to move things and create amazing things.

“But, Morgana? You already know how to do all that. I would teach you how to use it for good. I’d teach you how to stop someone from falling to their deaths. I’d teach you how to break a branch or move something in the heat of battle to defeat your enemy without killing them. I’d teach you to heal wounds.

“Morgana, I’d teach you to be good,” Merlin finished, and he couldn’t keep the wisteria out of his voice. He heard a sniffle and he saw Morgana trying not to cry.

“Merlin, why didn’t you? I was cast away. I felt like I had no one. I thought you were my friend,” she sniffled. Merlin’s heart nearly broke in two.

“I’m sorry, Morgana,” Merlin could only say. It looked like she might forgive him, but then the pain coursed through him.

“Merlin?” she reached to him, but stopped herself, confused. Merlin couldn’t watch her, because the pain was incessant. It didn’t come in waves, or leave as soon as it came. No, it stayed, throbbing in him. Merlin wished he were dead. Oh, how he wished he would just die.

 

**-Arthur-**

               “Where did you find this, eh?” Gwaine held the string up, taught. Arthur grabbed for it, but Gwaine wasn’t ready to give it up.

               “On a thorn bush down south,” Arthur snapped. Something hid in his tone, and Leon keyed in quickly.

               “What is it, Sire?” he prodded.

               “I just don’t feel like we should be going north. South, either. It just feels… wrong, somehow,” he confessed. Leon looked him at, his eyes soft.

               “We’ll find him, Sire. Don’t worry.”

               “I know Leon, but it still doesn’t feel right,” Arthur couldn’t let it go. He looked around at the forest they were riding through, trying to sense Merlin. He shook his head after a while, and grabbed the thread from Gwaine. “Let’s ride on.”

 

**-Merlin-**

               When the pain passed, Merlin sighed heavily. He wanted to say he could get used to the pain but each time it hit with such a vigor that Merlin knew that getting used to it would be impossible. Morgana still stood, rocking back and forth on her heels. He breathed through his nose, and his heart finally started to slow.

               “Merlin, I-” Morgana started, but she closed her mouth.

               “Morgana, what will you do?” Merlin looked at her. He knew she was at war with herself now. He had planted a seed of doubt. He could guess that she was fighting between good and evil, and he waited. He hoped, and it showed in his eyes. Morgana saw the hope, and her lips clenched together. The hard edge returned to her eyes.

               “I’m going to let you rot,” she spat. “You could have taught me, and you didn’t, you coward. I’m going to just let you _rot_.” She left then, her and the chair disappearing.

               The hope in Merlin withered and he felt like something had just punched him the chest. He closed his eyes, trying to figure out a plan. _Think, Merlin, think. You’ve got to get yourself out of here_. Merlin looked around, at the single window, barely big enough to shove a man through. Luckily, Merlin was scrawny. He could fit. But how high was it? His guess? _High_. Then it him. He threw his head back and yelled,

               “O Drakon! E mala soi ftengometh tesd’hup anankes! Erkheo!” He hoped the dragon could hear him, and for a few minutes nothing happened. Merlin strained to hear anything, but his ears were met with silence. Then he heard something, it was faint, but he heard it. He heard massive wings beating the air, and he laughed.

               “Yes, young warlock?” Kilgharrah croaked as he suspended himself by the window a few moments later.

               “Dragon, please, help me. Can you get me out of here? Can you take me to Arthur?” Merlin asked quickly. The dragon looked inside and saw Merlin withering on the floor.

               “Of course I can, Merlin. But why? Why are you here?”

               “Please, just help me.” Merlin didn’t want to have to pull out his dragonlord status, but he wasn’t going to stay in that room any longer.

               “As you wish,” Kilgharrah bowed his head and continued to suspend himself in the air.

               “I’m going to climb out the window. Wait there,” Merlin heaved himself off the ground. His head spun and he leaned against the wall. He wondered how long it had been since he had eaten anything, had anything to drink, but he pushed the thoughts aside. He stumbled to the window. It wasn’t too high, and Merlin was in the process of lifting himself onto the pane when Morgana appeared.

               “What the hell is going-” She stopped talking when she saw Merlin about to jump onto a dragon.

               “Please, Morgana, don’t make me hurt you,” Merlin pleaded. Morgana shook her head and raised her hand, but Merlin blasted her back before she could utter a word. _I really didn’t want to do that_. Lifting his legs out of the window, Merlin dropped onto the back of the dragon, and they flew off.


	4. Found Friends and Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur finds Merlin, but the thread is already unraveling, and Merlin won't last much longer. As Merlin lays dying, Arthur comes to terms with what he feels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to everyone who stuck around and waited or just hopped on.

**-Merlin­-**

               “Thank you, for coming. I thought you wouldn’t,” Merlin mumbled against the dragon’s scales. They were flying away from the wretched castle, and Merlin couldn’t stop seeing Morgana’s expression when she had seen Merlin escape on a dragon. _She knew about my magic, but I’m positive she didn’t know about this_ , he thought.

               “I would not have ignored you, Merlin. I can’t,” Kilgharrah replied. The steady beating of his wings lulled Merlin to sleep, and they flew over the forest like that for a while.

               “Merlin, do not sleep,” Kilgharrah said after some time. Merlin roused slowly, and he looked up. They were circling the forest in which he had been taken from.

               “Thank you, Kilgharrah. Do you know where Arthur is?” Merlin tried to see the knights but all he saw was trees.

               “I do, but Merlin, I can’t bring you straight to him. I can only leave you somewhere he can find you. It will end badly if he were to see me now. It is not his destiny to meet me again. That comes later,” the dragon turned his immense head and looked at Merlin. Merlin nodded once.

               “Leave me close, though. I don’t know how much longer I- oh god no!” Merlin’s words were cut off when the pain started again. _Why can’t they just stick the damn thread into a pocket or drop it in a well?_ Merlin thought helplessly. His legs, which before had been firmly keeping him balanced on the dragon’s back, gave out, and he slid off. Merlin didn’t even notice he was falling, he was too much in pain. The dragon lunged down and grabbed Merlin in his hands, flying down to a nearby clearing.

               “Merlin!” He called to him, but Merlin couldn’t hear him. Something was different now. The pain was there, but under it there was something else, like his energy, his life, his soul was being sucked from his body. His toes were going cold, and then his feet. Merlin couldn’t think straight, and then suddenly it stopped again. Warmth returned back to Merlin’s feet, and he wriggled his toes, just to make sure he could. This time, Merlin felt drained, like he’d just fought for twenty hours with no breaks. His arms felt like jelly. Merlin wasn’t sure if he could move.

               “Merlin!” Kilgharrah repeated, nudging him. Merlin cracked open one of his eyes.

               “Morgana attached my life to a thread. If it’s pulled, I feel pain. I weaken if it’s unraveling, and I die if it breaks,” Merlin explained. The dragon threw his head back and roared.

               “You must go to Arthur, Merlin,” Kilgharrah reminded Merlin, but Merlin wanted to lie in the field forever. He would have if the dragon hadn’t lifted him up again.

               “No, put me down. Kilgharrah, put me down. Obey me!” Merlin ordered. His head was swimming and when he looked down and saw the drop his stomach flipped.

               “Arthur is close,” was all that Merlin heard. He latched onto the name. _Arthur_. _I’ve got to get to Arthur_.

               “Faster,” Merlin whispered. The dragon’s wings beat faster and they soared over the forest.

 

**-Arthur-**

               They were going in the wrong direction. They’d been walking all morning and all they had found were a couple of rabbits and a startled hermit. Arthur was beyond impatient, and Gwaine could feel the Prince’s glares on his back.

               “Maybe we should, er, maybe we should trace back to the stream, get some water, clear our heads…” Gwaine offered, but he trailed off. Arthur wanted to keep going. He never wanted to stop, but the knights looked as if a water break wouldn’t hurt. Elyan looked like it hurt to swallow, and Leon was licking his dry lips.

               “Fine. Alright. But we are continuing as soon as you’ve had your fill,” he relented, and the men smiled. They rushed to the small creek that flowed through the forest. The men soaked their hands in the cool water, pouring it into their pouches and into their mouths. Arthur scooped some water into his mouth, and he kneeled their by the creek. He pulled out the thread, and he examined it closely. Right in the middle, it was starting to unravel, small miniscule fibers giving away from the strain of being pulled and touched so many times. Arthur sighed and gently replaced the thread in his pocket. Something moaned some ways down, and Arthur’s head snapped up.

               At first he saw nothing. He scoured the land across the creek, he searched the creek, but he saw nothing. _Make another noise_ , he urged it, and it seemed to have heard him. It moaned again, to his right. Arthur looked, and he gasped.

               Merlin laid on the ground, his hand extended towards the creek. His position looked as if he’d dragged his body down to the water with his arms. His face was ragged with dried blood and sweat plastered to his face. His eyes were sunken into his skull, and deep purple bruising outlined his eyes. Merlin’s lips were chapped and cracked. Arthur started. This wasn’t the man he had seen almost two days ago. It looked like it had been years for Merlin.

               “Merlin!” he finally shouted, breaking out of his reverie and drawing the attentions of the knights. He ran to his servant and lifted him into his arms. Merlin moaned again, and his eyelids fluttered. His mouth opened and closed slightly, and Arthur pulled out his water sack, pouring a small stream of water into Merlin’s open mouth. Merlin gulped down the water, finishing the entire sack.

               “Merlin? My god, it is Merlin! Leon, Percy, come quick!” Elyan yelled. Gwaine was right beside him as they crowded around Arthur. Arthur resented them for imposing on him and Merlin.

               “Step back. Let him breathe. I said _step back_ ,” Arthur hissed. The knights reluctantly paced back, but they stayed close, leaving Arthur very irritated.

               “-Ur?” Merlin mumbled softly. Arthur looked down at the brunette.

               “What, Merlin? Speak louder!” Arthur pressed, shaking the man, and he saw Merlin swallow painfully.

               “Ar… -ur?” he repeated, and Arthur laughed. _The idiot_.

               “Yeah, Merlin, I’m here. I looked hard for you. Decent manservants are hard to come by, don’t you know,” Arthur joked, relief washing through him. Merlin smiled and closed his eyes again. He seemed unable to stay awake, and worry fluttered through Arthur.

               “Hurry, we must head back for Camelot. Leon, how many days journey is it?” Arthur scooped Merlin into his arms, and he was struck by how skinny Merlin was. All flesh bones, no lighter than a feather. Arthur sped up his pace.

               “About a day’s hard ride, Sire. The horses might complain tomorrow, but they’ll make it,” Leon answered. Arthur nodded and set off for the horses, the group in toe. He cradled Merlin, relishing the feeling of having Merlin in front of him. Arthur looked Merlin over, trying to find any fatal injury, but his tunic was blue all around, and no large blood stains stood out. Arthur did however notice the raw cuts on Merlin’s wrist, and he seethed. Someone had chained Merlin up. Arthur was really going to kill someone at this point. Merlin’s warmth helped Arthur stayed grounded though, and he tightened his hold around his servant Holding Merlin in his arms, Arthur never wanted to let go.

               “Arthur, Merlin’ll fall off his horse if you make him ride. Maybe he’s weak, and we should make camp,” Gwaine suggested and came up beside Arthur. Arthur shook his and continued for the horses.

               “Merlin won’t make it that long. We need Gaius, now,” Arthur bit his lip. Gwaine was right, Merlin would slide off his horse in this state.

               “Sire, shall one of us carry him on our horse?” Percival asked. Arthur liked that idea, but on one condition.

               “Merlin will ride on my horse,” Arthur declared, earning strange looks from his men. He quite liked the idea. It eliminated the risk of Merlin falling off his horse, and it let Arthur hold him a while longer. The other men didn’t even try to fight him, instead they prepared the horses and once Arthur was on his horse they hoisted Merlin up in front of Arthur. Arthur snaked an arm around Merlin’s waist, and Merlin’s head rested against his shoulder, Merlin’s breathing tickling Arthur’s neck. Merlin’s horse was tethered to Arthur’s, and when they were set, they rode off.

               At first it was hard. Merlin bounced in Arthur’s arms with the momentum of the horse, but Arthur didn’t want to slow. Arthur tried tightening his arm around Merlin’s waist, but Merlin’s upper body jerked around. Arthur tried resting Merlin on his arms, holding the reigns up high, but Arthur’s arms soon cramped. Finally, Arthur wrapped his arm diagonally across Merlin’s chest and curled in on him, wrapping Merlin’s small frame with his own. Like this, they rode the whole way.

               Merlin didn’t wake up the entire way. He didn’t wake up when they stopped for water by a small lake, and he didn’t wake up on the horse. Arthur was growing worried, and if it weren’t for the arm he had curled around Merlin’s chest, on his faintly beating heart, he would’ve thought Merlin to be dead. Arthur looked down at Merlin a lot. His condition didn’t seem to be stabilizing, but it didn’t seem to be worsening either. _That’s good, right?_ Arthur asked, but his mind couldn’t answer. Merlin’s breathing was slightly shallow, but it was at least it was even.

               They rode the entire day, riding along the sunset without pause. Their horses galloped fast and steady, and soon Camelot loomed over them. The crescent moon shined above the citadel, and lit their way to the city gates. They passed through the lower town and up to the castle. The city slept, and only a few lights in the castle remained lit. Leon and Elyan dismounted their horses quickly and helped Arthur set Merlin down. Arthur hopped down from his horse and again took Merlin into his arms. Just those few moments without Merlin in his arms left Arthur feeling cold and empty.

               “Gwaine, Percy, deal with the horses. No need to wake up the stable boys at this hour,” Arthur ordered as he ran up the steps. Leon and Elyan made to follow him to Gaius’ chambers, but Arthur rounded on his heels.

               “You two, go to my father. I don’t care if he’s asleep. You tell him I demand an audience once I’ve helped Merlin. If he refuses, tell him _I_ order _him_ ,” Arthur instructed the two knights. Their expressions were those of great fear and apprehension, but they listened to Arthur nonetheless. Arthur again made for Gaius’ chambers, running up flights of stairs and through hallways. When he reached the large wooden door, he kicked it open, sending a crash vibrating through the room.

               “Oh what heavens!” Gaius startled awake. Arthur saw him look up and see Merlin in his arms, unconscious. He stood up quickly, clearing the bed.

               “Here, lay him here,” Gaius flitted around the room, gathering potions and remedies to use at his disposal. Arthur set Merlin down on the cot, and he noticed how hot Merlin was becoming. He hadn’t noticed it when he was running, but now Arthur definitely felt the heat pouring off of Merlin. It was different from the heat someone gave off from a fever, it felt strange, and it tasted almost metallic.

               “Gaius, I think he has a fever. Feel how hot he is. He hasn’t woken up since early this morning, when we found him,” Arthur told the physician, and the old man raised an eyebrow.

               “ _Found_ , Sire? What do you mean, found? What happened?” Gaius inquired. He took a cool cloth and began to press it to Merlin’s forehead. Arthur took the cloth in his own hands, needing something to do so he wouldn’t have to face Gaius. This was his fault after all.

               “He was taken, by bandits. We looked everywhere, and there were all these confusing clues like a thread from Merlin’s neckerchief and a piece of his tunic scattered in opposite directions and then I found him by the creek. Gaius, he had been gone not even two days. It looked like he had suffered for two years,” Arthur couldn’t hide the anguish in his voice.

               “Sire, you say you found multiple clues, in different directions?” Gaius pressed, and Arthur nodded.

               “I found this thread, and Gwaine found parts of his tunic. We followed Gwaine’s trail. Thank god we did, it let us to him,” Arthur pulled out the thread from his pocket. It caught on some abnormality in the cloth and Arthur tugged on it.

               Suddenly Merlin’s back arched and his face scrunched up. His breathing quickened, and it grew dangerously shallow. His legs curled up awkwardly, and his hands were frozen in claws. Sweat was breaking out on Merlin’s forehead, and Arthur heard a small but heavy moan of pain. He dropped the thread and lurched to Merlin.

               “Merlin! Merlin, what is it?” Arthur hands were hovering over Merlin’s body, dying to help in some way, but Merlin’s body relaxed, and he slumped back down onto the cot. Arthur and Gaius looked at each other and back at Merlin.

               “I must speak to my father at once,” Arthur said as he turned on his heels and sped out of the room.

 

**-Merlin-**

               Something cool touched his forehead, and it felt so good he could have cried. The pain had roused him, and now he was unfortunately awake. The cooling sensation patted his head, and Merlin felt a cot underneath him. _Where am I_? he wondered idly. The room smelled familiar, like old books and herbs. He knew those smells. He lived in them every day. He was in Gaius’ chambers. Merlin still couldn’t open his eyes, but he cracked his mouth open a little.

               “-us,” he cleared his throat a little and tried again, “Gaius.”

               “Oh, Merlin, thank the stars, you’re awake. What happened, Merlin?” Gaius’ old voice was filled with care and concern and it grounded Merlin.

               “Gaius- the thread. Get the… thread,” Merlin whispered. He heard Gaius shuffle around to the other side of the bed, and the small groan as the old man bent down to pick something up.

               “What is it, Merlin? What about this thread?” Gaius implored. Merlin sighed and then gulped loudly, gearing himself for the long explanation.

               “Morgana- took me- try to get back at Arthur- took thread- cursed- lifeline- connected- pain while pulled- death… when broken,” Merlin spit out. He hoped Gaius understood what he was trying to say, because he wasn’t sure if he could repeat it.

               “Wait, Morgana took you to take her revenge on Arthur and then took a thread from your neckerchief, which she then cursed by attaching your lifeline to it. And now when it’s pulled, you feel pain, and when it breaks,” Merlin heard Gaius gulp, “you die?” Merlin nodded and Gaius exhaled sharply.

               “But Merlin, the thread is starting to unravel already,” Gaius was beside himself with worry, and Merlin struggled to open his eyes. The light was too bright, even in the wee hours of morning, and Merlin closed them again.

               “Dragon- told me- break curse- must- soon,” Merlin sputtered.

               “What did the dragon say, Merlin?” Gaius asked anxiously. Merlin brought the memory back up from when he was hanging in the claws of the dragon.

_“Merlin, wake up, you must listen to this,” the dragon nudged Merlin slightly. They were in a small clearing, and thickets surrounded them. Merlin could hear a stream nearby, and it was so peaceful._

_“Merlin!” the dragon called again. Sighing, Merlin opened his eyes and faced the dragon, who was pawing the ground._

_“Merlin, you must do as I say, or you will die,” the dragon advised and Merlin nodded._

_“Merlin, you must burn the string, but not in just any ordinary fire. You need a special kind of fire, magical fire, one that is true and real. You need to cast an enchantment on the thread as you place it in the fire. Hopefully, it’ll work,” the dragon informed Merlin, and then he flew away. Merlin shook his head,_ crazy old dragon _. Merlin could still hear the creek, and his throat burned for the water. He decided to try and get to it._

 

               “The dragon said- some kind of spell- with magical fire. Something about- true fire- real,” Merlin told Gaius. Merlin heard Gaius rummaging through a book, rifling through the pages before he returned at Merlin’s bedside.

               “A restoration ritual. It calls for a fire that burns black and here, the spell is here. This is an old ritual, much older than me,” Gaius held Merlin’s head up for him to see.  

               “Must- do it soon.”

 

**-Arthur-**

               When Arthur slammed through the door to the council room, he found his father, Leon and Elyan standing, waiting for him.

               “Arthur, you better have a damn good excuse for this,” Uther threatened, and Arthur waved it off.

               “Father, I wish take some men. There is someone I must take care of,” Arthur did not form it as a question, but a statement. Uther turned to his son.

               “Whatever for? Who are you going after? More importantly, did you kill the beast?” Uther interrogated Arthur. Arthur knew that if he said he was going after Merlin’s kidnapper, the King would refuse him, telling him he’s just a servant. He couldn’t let that happen.

               “Yes, the beast is dead, but there’s something else. I think I’ve found a sorcerer,” Arthur conceded. Arthur was proud of himself for the quick lie and Uther inhaled sharply.

               “What proof do you have? Who is it?” Uther demanded. Arthur froze, rattling his brain for something plausible to say, but he couldn’t.

               “Sire, he kidnapped Merlin,” Arthur confessed, taking the leap. Uther glanced at Arthur peculiarly, and then burst into laughter.

               “Arthur, you cannot go accusing the people of sorcery if your idiot manservant gets lost. Better it be him then you, Arthur,” Uther scoffed, and Arthur’s blood boiled. He knew Uther would wave his demand off.

               “Sire, I’m sorry, but I don’t think I’m asking you. This was merely a formality. I will go after them,” Arthur bridled, and he inhaled deeply. In all his years, he never imagined it would feel this good to stand up to his father.

               “No, Arthur. He is just a servant. Why should his life matter to you? You are not going, that is my final decision. I’m still king, you know,” Uther cautioned, growing impatient and Arthur seethed.

               “He’s dying, Father. I can’t just sit and watch,” he insisted and Uther reared.

               “That is _exactly_ what you will do. You went on a hunt, a quest, and he got hurt. You need to learn how to detach yourself, otherwise you will never be a true king,” Uther snarled and stalked out of the room. Arthur was stunned at his father’s comment. How could he say such a thing? Arthur cared for Merlin more than he cared to admit, and he knew that caring was what made him a better king. He knew that his father was wrong, and as he was walking back to him chambers, something his father had said gnawed at him and he couldn’t help but dwell on it.

               _“Why should his life matter to you?”_  His father had asked. Arthur himself did not know the answer to the question. Why should Merlin matter to him? All his life, Arthur was taught that as the Crowned Prince he was above all, and everyone below was meant to serve him. But then Merlin showed up one day and stood up to him when he was bullying his former manservant and he had treated him like he would any other. He had ordered him around and scolded him, and Arthur had let it happen. They had become friends, teasing each other and fighting together.

               Arthur didn’t know _why_ Merlin mattered so much to him, but he knew that Merlin _did_ matter. Arthur knew that if he was going to fight, he wanted Merlin by him, in the fray with him. Arthur knew that he waited every morning for Merlin to come help him get ready because he wanted to see him. Arthur knew that Merlin was always there for him, and Arthur knew that if Merlin died, he wouldn’t be able to breathe. Arthur knew that he couldn’t lose Merlin.

               The realization struck Arthur hard, and he almost toppled over. _He matters to me, Father, because he is more than just a servant to me_ , Arthur thought defiantly as he ran to Gaius’ chambers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, I'm just going tag this is as merthur at this point because I have some pretty Merthur-esque stuff mapped out...


	5. Revealed and Healed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Arthur accept for their feelings for each other, making Merlin try to heal himself. He can't risk his life knowing that he could die without Arthur knowing about magic, so he takes a leap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading now or from when I first started posting. Hope this chapter is as good as the others.

**-Merlin-**

               Merlin laid on the cot with his eyes closed, listening to Gaius patter around the chamber. It was getting harder to hold onto consciousness, even after Gaius had secured the thread. The damage done was irreparable and Merlin felt weak and small. Arthur had stormed out when he saw Merlin in pain, and he wished he had stayed. He needed him now more than ever, but he stayed silent. He had felt Arthur curled around him when they were riding back for Camelot, and he could still smell Arthur faintly on his tunic. Merlin squeezed his eyes shut and sighed.

               The door to the chamber flew open then, and Merlin’s eyes fluttered open to see Arthur lumbering towards him. Merlin’s heart fluttered a little, and Arthur came to stand beside Merlin. Arthur loomed over Merlin, and he craned his neck to look Arthur in the eye. Arthur seemed to be mulling something over, the little crease appearing between his eyebrows whenever he was stressed etched into his brow. Merlin recognized the little crease, and he wanted to brush his fingers along the furrows on Arthur’s brow to smooth out the skin. _Where is this coming from? Why now, after so many years?_ Merlin asked himself ruefully. Yes, he had been kidnapped, and yes, he lay dying in front of Arthur, but it wasn’t fair, why now?

               “Merlin,” Arthur began, but he stopped. He sat in the chair beside the bed and looked at Merlin, their blue eyes meeting. Merlin waited and he watched at how Arthur warred with himself. Something won in Arthur, and Merlin could see the small victory in Arthur’s eyes.

               “Merlin, you will not die. I will not allow it. You idiot, you never do what I tell you, but this time you will, because _you will not die_ , you hear?” Arthur punched out the words, and Merlin only nodded slightly. Arthur inhaled and exhaled slowly, running his hands through his hair.

               “Merlin… please don’t die. I can’t handle it if you die. You have been with me for so many years now, and I always take advantage of you. I’m always insulting you and loading you with work, but Merlin, I care for you. My father asked me why you matter to me, and Merlin, I don’t know.

               “But I know that through everything you’ve been by my side. When you met me, I was arrogant, I was self-centered, but you taught me how to be the king Camelot deserves. You are the one person I can trust, and after everything I know you would never lie to me. You never cease to amaze me, and when I call you an idiot, I’m really saying ‘I love you,’” Arthur stumbled over his words but he didn’t stop, speeding through his feelings. Merlin felt a little guilty when Arthur said he wouldn’t lie, but his guilt was overpowered by his confusion for Merlin was sure the last part wasn’t supposed to come out. Arthur’s eyes narrowed and he clenched his mouth closed to staunch the flow of words.

               “Arthur…” Merlin whispered, and Arthur’s face crumpled. He leaned his head on Merlin’s stomach and sobbed. It broke Merlin’s heart, and he patted Arthur’s blond hair, making Arthur wrap his arms around Merlin’s waist and hold on for dear life. Merlin suddenly remembered poor old Gaius, but when he looked around, he didn’t see him. The old man must have slipped out when Arthur was gushing, and Merlin sent him a silent thank you.

               “Don’t die, Merlin,” Arthur choked out on Merlin’s stomach. Merlin tapped Arthur’s head, and the Prince looked up.

               “Arthur… you clot-pole,” Merlin laughed softly, “you complete- idiot.”

               “What is so funny, Merlin?” Arthur asked incredulously. Merlin laughed harder and wrapped a weak hand around Arthur’s neck. He pulled softly, Arthur let Merlin pull his head towards him until Arthur’s head rested against Merlin’s. They stayed like this, Arthur’s breath tickling Merlin’s nose. Merlin’s lips were curled into a smile and Arthur’s tears splashed against his cheeks.

               “Can you believe- that after so many years… of cleaning up after- you and being made fun of- by you… I love you- too?” Merlin exhaled sharply, and he saw Arthur smile. Arthur must have noticed that Gaius had left, because he sighed loudly and pushed Merlin aside on the cot until they were both lying on their sides, facing each other. The sun was just starting to rise and Merlin watched as the dawn cast a pale glow on Arthur. Arthur closed the distance between them slowly, hesitating, brushing his lips against Merlin’s. He measured Merlin’s reaction, but Merlin kissed Arthur back, harder.

               When their lips touched, it was like magic. Merlin closed his eyes and he felt Arthur everywhere. Arthur’s hands in his hair, his legs intertwined with his and his body pressed up against Merlin’s. Merlin’s senses were being overwhelmed with Arthur, and all he could think was _Arthur Arthur Arthur_. Merlin smelled Arthur, the rough spice of the horses and the incense from a fireplace. Merlin smelled the forest on Arthur, the wet earth and sweat mixed together in a delectable bouquet. Arthur tasted like the forest too, clean and fresh, and Merlin made a little sound, small but Arthur noticed. He pulled his lips off of Merlin’s and Merlin looked into Arthur’s eyes. Their heads remained rested against each other’s they breathed heavily. Merlin’s heart was pumping hard, he thought it would try and break out of his chest to get to Arthur.

               “Now you definitely cannot die, Merlin,” Arthur croaked, and Merlin laughed. Everything was perfect, and Merlin could have stayed like that forever, but now he knew that he had to break the curse sooner rather than later.

               “Arthur?” Merlin murmured and Arthur hummed in response. He was curling up around Merlin again, wrapping him in his arms. Merlin cursed everything internally and he wanted to let himself be held a little longer, but he pushed Arthur away. Arthur’s face crumpled.

               “Merlin?” he whispered back, and Merlin shook his head lightly.

               “Arthur- don’t worry. I just need- you… to go. Right now. And get- Gaius. Please, Arthur, I- need you… to leave, right- now,” Merlin pushed on Arthur’s chest, but he was too weak to move him. Arthur slid off the cot quickly.

               “Are you hurt? Why do you need Gaius?” Arthur didn’t move and Merlin pushed at his thighs.

               “Just go… don’t come back -until Gaius- comes- to… you,” Merlin ordered, and Arthur frowned. Merlin feared that the blond would not listen, but he stalked out of the room soon after. Merlin breathed quietly in the dim room, and he still felt Arthur on his lips. Merlin brought a finger to them, touching them to make sure they were there. Merlin’s heart still hammered from the kiss, and he could have laughed or cried or maybe a little bit of both. He laid his hand on his chest, on his heart, and just smiled. _Arthur loves me. Me, a servant_ , He reminded himself over and over. _But you hide him away from your magic, and keep it a filthy secret from him_ , a hostile voice taunted in Merlin’s mind, but he shook his head.  

               “Yes, Merlin, are you alright?” Gaius came quickly into the room, stopping by Merlin’s side. Merlin lifted himself up, and Gaius helped him in a sitting position.

               “We need- fix this- _now_ ,” Merlin told Gaius. The physician nodded. He pulled a small pot beside the bed, and Merlin raised his arm to start the fire. _One that is true and real_ , the dragon had said. _What does that mean?_ Merlin fretted, and he knew that it wouldn’t be as easy to simply summon a fire as he did at campfires.

               “Gaius- bring… book,” Merlin pointed to his room, and Gaius complied quickly, bring the magic book and resting it on Merlin’s lap. Merlin flipped through the pages, looking for something to help him, and he almost lost hope when he found something almost a half hour later. It was a separate page, one that had been stuck in the book by a previous tenant.

               The markings and words were all by hand, and pictures of a blue fire danced on the page. _The fire burns through only if the heart burns true_ , the loopy script said. This was it. Merlin raised his hand and pointed it at the pot.

               “Forbaerne yfel… astrice acwele!”Merlin spelled, but the pot stayed empty. He tried again multiple times, but each time nothing happened.

               “Merlin, are you sure this is right?” Gaius fretted, and Merlin shook his head clear. He breathed in deep, feeling his magic, stretching its boundaries. He could do this.

               _“Forbaerne yfel astrice acwele!”_ Merlin felt his desperation and he thought about his need to get better for Arthur. He channeled his emotions into the spell, and his eyes burned. The pot instantly filled with clear blue flames, and Gaius laughed quietly.

               “It worked Merlin! But now, Merlin, are you sure this is the fire you have to use? If you burn the thread, and it isn’t correct, who knows what will happen to you,” Gaius stared at Merlin, and Merlin swallowed uneasily.

               “I- have to be- right. Too- weak. Arthur…” Merlin couldn’t finish the sentence. He had to be right, for Arthur, because he couldn’t leave Arthur, not now. Gaius nodded and brought the restoration spell to Merlin. Merlin read the enchantment to himself quietly, and then looked at the fire. _What if I am wrong? What if this kills me? What will happen to Arthur? I can’t leave him, and I can’t leave him without telling him._ Merlin thought, and then internally groaned. _I’m going to regret this._

               “Gaius- get Ar-arthur. I need- him here,” Merlin instructed, and Gaius’ mouth fell open.

               “Merlin, Arthur will come to know of your magic. You can’t let him see. Uther will have you executed before you can even walk again,” Gaius argued. Merlin nodded, but he didn’t change his mind.

               “Will face- consequences. Just- _bring him,_ ” Merlin commanded, and Gaius left, his eyebrow raised. Merlin cursed himself and Arthur, praying to the universe to let Arthur not freak out. Merlin never wanted to have to tell Arthur about his magic, but now he had no choice. He could die, but he couldn’t die knowing that Arthur didn’t know the real him. He thought of all the times when he had stood by Arthur, watched him destroy magic. _This was a bad decision_ , Merlin realized, and he feared for himself. He was almost about to call Gaius back but then he remembered something, a moment in battle.

 

_The battlefield stretched far over the hillside. The outlying villages joined together to fight off the bandits, but they called upon Camelot’s help when they feared being killed off. Uther sent a few troupes of men, and Arthur led them into the battle._

_Arthur fought the bandits, cutting them down in their path. He pushed women and children into houses, ordered them to stay under cover before attacking a new opponent. Each bandit ran towards him screaming a battle cry, but they were no match for Arthur. He killed them off quickly, with little effort._

_Merlin watched as Arthur fought, trying to see if the Prince needed his help. The bandits who tried to attack Merlin found themselves suddenly on fire, or skewered with their own sword. Merlin watched from behind houses and plants to make sure Arthur was safe._

_When the bandits finally retreated, the remaining villagers poured out of the houses. Some cheered, and some threw rocks at the fleeing bandits. Merlin came to stand by Arthur as they watched the villagers rejoice._

_“Well done, Merlin. You don’t seem to be dead, a feat I find baffling,” Arthur grinned and Merlin smiled sarcastically back. Arthur noticed the smile before Merlin could wipe it off his face, and Arthur grabbed Merlin in a headlock, rubbing his knuckles into Merlin’s brown hair._

_“Arthur, stop, Arthur, get off!” Merlin howled, and Arthur laughed. Arthur released Merlin, and Merlin huffed slightly._

_“Oh come on, Merlin, lighten up. We just won something, didn’t we?” Arthur said as he punched Merlin lightly on the arm._

_“Yeah, Arthur, we have,” Merlin crossed his arms across his chest and watched as the children of the village banded together._

_“Take that, you mongrels!” a very precocious little boy screamed, waving his little fist in the air. He waved his other handover the ground in a circular motion, and dirt gathered until it was a small ball. Using magic, the boy lobbed the ball over the heads of the villagers, hitting one of the bandits in the back of the head. The other children cheered while some of the parents glanced back to Arthur nervously. Merlin’s head snapped to face Arthur, measuring his reaction to the magic._

_Arthur surprised Merlin. Instead of arresting the boy for sorcery, Arthur studied the boy who threw the dirt, and then smiled. He chose to ignore the small act of magic, and Merlin felt a small glimmer of hope. His relationship with Arthur started out as a requirement. Merlin was to make Arthur the king who would bring back magic. It was his destiny, but over the years, Merlin saw Arthur as more than just a mission._

_When Merlin saw Arthur pardon the little act of magic, Merlin felt hope that Arthur was becoming the person he was meant to be, the Once and Future King._

 

               Merlin warmed at the memory, and he cast aside all his doubts for Arthur. Now, after everything, Arthur wouldn’t kill him. Merlin convinced himself, repeating over and over again, _He will not kill me_ , until Arthur ran through the large wooden doors. He sprinted to Merlin’s bedside and swooped down to brush his lips against Merlin’s.

               “Merlin, what is it? Gaius said you needed me, I don’t understand? What do you need me for, I’m rubbish at healing. Maybe you need Gwen?” Arthur babbled, and Merlin grabbed Arthur’s hand to shut him up.

               “Arthur- need _you_. Just… don’t- fear. I’m- still me,” Merlin cautioned, and Arthur’s eyes widened, but he tightened his grip on Merlin’s hand. Arthur scooted Merlin over and laid beside him on the cot, holding Merlin in his strong arms. Surrounded by Arthur, Merlin knew he wouldn’t have been able to do this without him. Taking in a large breath, Merlin raised his hand towards the thread, which Gaius had placed on the table to the side, and started the enchantment.

               _“Efencum, ic hael pina tospronge onclue bord niche!_ ” Merlin finished, and he felt Arthur stiffen around him. The thread glowed gold before dissolving back into red, and Merlin took the string up in his hands. He looked at the blue fire, and back at the string and prayed it would work. He tossed the string and watched as it slowly fell into the fire.

               Merlin’s body was attacked by pain. It was worse than every other time, and Merlin heard a long keening sound that he soon realized was coming from _him_. Arthur, who had been frozen before, suddenly snapped out of his reverie.

               “Merlin? Merlin, what’s wrong? What’s happening? Merlin? Merlin!” Arthur shook Merlin, but Merlin couldn’t think. _This is bad_ , he thought weakly.

 

**-Arthur-**

               Merlin had magic. Out of all the things in the world Merlin could be keeping from him, it was magic. Arthur’s first reaction to Merlin’s enchantment was to shy away, to release the stranger in his arms and turn his head away, but this was Merlin. Merlin couldn’t be a sorcerer. Merlin…

               The slight rasp in Merlin’s voice when he spoke the spell scared Arthur, and it was as if Merlin was gone, and this new outsider had taken his place. Arthur couldn’t bring himself to look at Merlin, or move, and he only just saw Merlin throw the thread into the blue fire. The _vibrantly blue_ fire. _More magic_ , Arthur’s stomach twisted. Merlin stayed tense as the thread traveled to the fire, and he watched as the flames enveloped it.

               Suddenly Merlin was thrashing in his arms. Arthur looked down and he saw Merlin, his face crumpled, weeping and making high pitched sounds.

               “Merlin? Merlin, what’s wrong? What’s happening? Merlin? Merlin!” Arthur yelled. He shook Merlin, but he didn’t get a response. Merlin’s eyes stayed smashed together, and Arthur wasn’t sure if Merlin could hear him.

               “Gaius!” Arthur bellowed, and he held Merlin tighter in his arms. The brunette was starting to shake, and his small frame thrashed against Arthur’s. Gaius came hustling in, and when he saw Merlin convulsing, he sprinted towards the cot.

               “What happened?” Gaius grilled Arthur, and Arthur couldn’t speak.

               “I don’t know! But Gaius, Merlin has magic! He did magic, right in front of me. He made the thread I found glow gold! Gaius, what is happening?” Arthur felt like a small child again, begging Gaius to explain. Gaius pried Merlin away from Arthur, and he checked Merlin’s pulse.

               “Sire, yes, Merlin has magic. I think it’s saving his life right now. As of what’s happening, Merlin is reattaching his lifeline to himself, from where it had been placed on the thread,” Gaius spoke slowly, continuing to check Merlin over. The shaking had stopped, but Merlin had gone limp. Arthur’s mind reeled with what Gaius told him, and he tried to make heads or tails of it.

               “Gaius, what are you talking about? What do you mean ‘reattaching his lifeline’?” Arthur asked, and Gaius looked up from Merlin to raise an eyebrow. He laid Merlin down comfortably on the cot and took a seat on the chair beside them. Arthur, before realizing what he was doing, wrapped his arms around Merlin again, who seemed to be sleeping.

               “Sire, when Merlin was taken, he says he was taken by Morgana,” Gaius began, and Arthur sucked in a breath. Morgana had been gone for so long, why would she take Merlin?

               “She cultivated her magic while she was gone, strengthening it, and she took Merlin to punish you. Merlin believed that she wanted you to suffer by losing what you care for most. She took a thread from his neckerchief, enchanted it so that Merlin’s life line was attached to it. It the thread was pulled, it hurt Merlin, if it unraveled or broke, Merlin died,” Gaius continued. Arthur’s mind swam when he realized that Gaius was saying Morgana had magic too. Arthur’s blood began to boil, and he resented Morgana for making Merlin suffer. Arthur, remembering how the thread had been unraveling down at the stream, and he realized how close Merlin had been to dying at his hand. Arthur drew in a shaky breath.

               “Continue, Gaius. Explain the magic,” Arthur ordered. Gaius raised his eyebrow again, and leaned back.

               “Sire, I’m not sure that’s mine to discuss, you’ll have to wait until Merlin wakes up. But you must know, Merlin only used it for you. When he first came here, his magic was instinctual, it was childlike, but he honed his skills because you needed him to. Every battle, every time you’ve been hurt, Merlin has saved you. He does more than you have ever known, and he doesn’t expect any praise at all. You are greatly lucky to have him, for without him you’d be dead a long time back,” Gaius said, his gaze lying endearingly on Merlin. Arthur looked down with awe at the man in his arms.

               “He used his magic for _me_? But why? He knew my father would have him killed, and I would have too if I hadn’t known him. Why am I so important?” Arthur wondered and Gaius nodded.

               “He needed you, and you needed him. You were each other’s destiny, but now you are so much more than that. He knew the risks, but he couldn’t let them stop him from doing what he knew is right,” Gaius explained. Arthur nodded and continued to stare at Merlin. His lashes were long and they brushed his high cheekbones. Arthur felt a surge of affection as he looked at Merlin, and he tightened his hold.

               “He’ll be alright now, right Gaius? The thread wont…” Arthur asked desperately, and Gaius nodded again.

               “He should be fine now My Lord, it seems like the ritual was a success. Look, already he’s breathing easier. His color has returned slightly. He’ll be fine soon. You must let him rest, though. Come, it’s been a long night, you should sleep,” Gaius rose, beckoning Arthur to follow him but Arthur shook his head, much like a child again.

               “I will _not_ leave Merlin,” he jutted his chin out defiantly, and Gaius sighed.

               “Fine, but then you will tend to him when he wakes. I will be in Merlin’s room, if anything is needed,” Gaius exited then, and Arthur breathed heavily. Merlin shifted a little in his arms, and Arthur looked at him.

               “You idiot. You better wake up tomorrow so that we can talk about this,” he whispered as he fell asleep with his head rested against Merlin’s hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Expect a lot of fluff in the next chapter :)


	6. Promises and Answers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that Merlin is alright, Arthur finally gets to ask what he wants, and Merlin gets to hear what he needs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading now or from the start

**-Arthur-**

               Arthur woke up slowly, unsure of his surroundings. He knew he wasn’t in his soft bed in his chambers because his back hurt and something dug into his hip. He groaned and started to roll over, but something was in his arms, stopping him. Arthur looked down, surprised, and saw Merlin sleeping against his chest, and quickly remembered where he was and what happened. Merlin must have turned in the night, because he was pressed up against Arthur, his forehead resting on Arthur’s chest. Merlin’s even breathing warmed a small spot on Arthur’s chest, and Arthur saw Merlin’s hands curled up in between them. The morning light filtered through the windows, setting stripes of light on them. Arthur was surprised to see his arms wrapped protectively around Merlin, and he felt Merlin’s coltish legs tangled in his own. Sighing, Arthur curled in around Merlin to sleep a little bit more. Merlin stirred at his movement, and his eyes fluttered open.

               “Wha- Arthur? What are you doing here? What am I… Oh!” Merlin seemed flustered, and Arthur smiled. _Is this what Merlin’s like in the mornings?_ Arthur wondered to himself. 

               “How are you feeling, Merlin?” Arthur murmured into Merlin’s hair, and Merlin hummed quietly. The brunette stretched in Arthur’s arms, extending himself until Arthur heard a couple cracks. Merlin floated back into Arthur’s arms, nuzzling up against him.

               “I feel good, better. It feels good to be able to move my own body,” Merlin sighed, and Arthur’s heart warmed. _Merlin was alright. Merlin was going to be alright and they’d be happy_ , Arthur thought blissfully.

                “Are _you_ okay?” Merlin asked hesitantly, and Arthur’s forehead wrinkled at the question.

               “Why wouldn’t I be okay?” Arthur replied, and he couldn’t think of anything to suggest he was anything less than great.

               “Well, I mean, last night we did some things, and then you saw some things you probably didn’t want to so… Are you okay?” Merlin asked again, and Arthur remembered. He had kissed Merlin, Merlin had kissed him back. That part was good. But then Merlin had called him back and then used magic in front of him. That part wasn’t as good.

               “I guess so,” Arthur paused and gathered his words before continuing.

“All my life, I was taught to fear magic, and hate everyone who used it. My father told me it killed my mother. He told me that sorcerers brought chaos to the land of Camelot. I believed him, and I murdered so many people. Men, sorcerers, and women and children too. They were all killed in the fight against magic. It hurt so much, Merlin. At sixteen I had wiped out an entire druid settlement.

“I never thought that magic could be used for good. No one ever tried to tell me that not all who use magic are bad. But then you came into my life, and magic was suddenly everywhere. I didn’t know it was you, mind you, but it was everywhere. On every battle scene, every quest we ever went on. I saw magic being used for good, not just evil.

“And then, remember when we fought those bandits in the outlying villages? That little boy had conjured up a clod of dirt and had hurled it at the retreating bandits without soiling his hands. A few years ago, I would have had him executed. But now, I know better. I see that he wasn’t hurting anyone, and that he wasn’t going to try and overthrow Camelot the next chance he got.

“I admit I was scared of you at first. Your eyes glowed gold, and the thread glowed to match. Your voice changed, when you cast the enchantment, and it sounded raspy. Chills went down my spine and all I could think was ‘Please let this be a sick joke. Not Merlin, please,’ but when you started shaking, and I thought you were going to die, it didn’t matter anymore. You’re still you. I don’t think you need to worry, though. I would never hurt you, Merlin,” Arthur took in a shaky breath and laughed nervously. He heard sniffling and he saw Merlin pull his nose.

“Arthur, I…” Merlin couldn’t seem to find anything to say, and he curled up closer to Arthur, “I love you, you clot-pole.” Arthur laughed again and burrowed his face in Merlin’s brown hair. Merlin smelled like the forest and the stables, and Arthur breathed in deeply.

“I love you too,” he whispered. Arthur’s mind reeled at the turn their relationship had taken. Three days ago they were friends, the Prince and the Servant. Now they were so much more, and there were no secrets. Arthur was almost glad that Merlin had gotten kidnapped, but when he remembered Merlin in pain he righted himself. The memory of Merlin by the creek, broken and weak, reminded Arthur that someone, _Morgana_ , had done this, and Arthur’s blood boiled.

“You may not have to worry, Merlin, but there is one person who should be _very_ worried right now,” Arthur’s voice was murderous, and Merlin raised his head, his eyes widening.

               “Arthur, what do you mean? Who?” Merlin raised his voice slightly, but Arthur didn’t calm down. Morgana had chained Merlin up, enchanted him, and almost damn near _killed_ him. She couldn’t get away with that, could she? Arthur wouldn’t let her. He’d find her, and he would drive his sword through her heart.

               “ _Morgana_ ,” Arthur spat, and Merlin huffed.

               “No, Arthur, you can’t. You can’t hurt her. She’s powerful, almost as powerful as me, and you won’t last two minutes against her. Arthur, let her go. Don’t give her the satisfaction of knowing she got under your skin. Please, Arthur, you’ll get hurt,” Merlin tried to convince Arthur.

               “But, Merlin, she _chained_ you up, like some common criminal. She tied your life to a thread, a measly thread god knows is how old. Merlin, you almost _died_. You’d let her go? You expect _me_ to let her just _go_?” Arthur spat out and Merlin took Arthur’s hand.

               “Arthur, don’t. You’re being stupid, like always. Just listen to me. Morgana did something bad, but if you go after her, you’ll be hurt. She’ll hurt you and I won’t be able to save you because I have to stay in this blasted bed,” Merlin puffed, and Arthur saw how scared Merlin was.

               “Merlin, I know you don’t want me hurt, but how can I just sit back, and do nothing when she’s out there right now? She can’t just get away with this. I almost lost you because of her, Merlin,” Arthur admitted, and he felt Merlin squeeze his hand.

               “But I’m fine now. Going after her isn’t the answer. We’ll deal with her later, I promise. It isn’t our time to face her yet. We’re allowed a moment’s respite,” Merlin announced, and Arthur nodded. Merlin’s sanity drove Arthur crazy, but he knew that the brunette was right.

               “Fine, but the minute I see her I will run at her with my sword drawn,” Arthur conceded, and Merlin tugged on Arthur’s hand, pulling him back down on the bed. Merlin moved into Arthur, and he whispered against Arthur’s chest.

               “What, Merlin?”

               “She’s your sister, Arthur. You grew up with her, fought with her, played with her. Uther is her father. There was a time when you would do anything for her. Why would you want to kill her, I don’t understand?” Merlin repeated, a little louder. Arthur sighed and wiped a hand over his face.

               “Merlin, when she was my sister, she was Morgana Pendragon, Uther’s ward. She was innocent and passionate, and she stood for good. Yes, we were like siblings, and we were unmentionably close. If I came across Morgana Pendragon on the battle field, I would not be able to draw my sword. But the woman who took you is Morgana the Sorceress. She hates Uther, me, and you. She is vindictive, and sly, and only does evil. If I came across this Morgana on a battle field, I would fight with all I have. She isn’t my sister anymore, Merlin. She stopped being my sister when she took you, when she planned all this,” Arthur absentmindedly rubbed Merlin’s back as he spoke, and they both stayed quiet for some time.

               “Can I ask you something?” Arthur broke the silence, and Merlin tensed.

               “What do you want to know?” He asked hesitantly. Arthur paused, choosing his words carefully.

               “Why didn’t you tell me about your magic? At the beginning, I understand, but we became friends. Why didn’t you tell me? I wouldn’t have hurt you, Merlin?” Arthur couldn’t keep the pain from his voice. Merlin’s face crumpled at Arthur’s anguish.

               “I couldn’t. At first, I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to die. But I saw how close we were getting. I knew I should have told you, but I couldn’t. Every time I tried, something would get caught in my throat and I’d choke on my words. And you always said I was the only one you could trust. I reveled in that feeling. I didn’t want that to end,” Merlin revealed, and Arthur heard a little hitch in his throat. He held on to Merlin tighter, thanking the heavens for the man in his arms.

               “Don’t worry, Merlin. I still trust you, that will never end,” Arthur lifted Merlin’s face up and pressed their lips together. It still felt the same as last night, even after Arthur had found out about magic. _He’s still Merlin_ , Arthur reminded himself.

               “Another question, Merlin. You said Morgana is almost as powerful as you… Just how powerful are _you_?” Arthur stumbled over the words, and Merlin laughed, a low sound.

               “I’ve been moving objects since before I could talk. When I came here, I poured over books. Now, I’m the most powerful sorcerer alive. It is my destiny. That enchantment last night was no old party trick. It’s as old as magic itself, given to me by the heart of magic. My powers can bend armies to my will and bring life to the dead. And yet all they’re used for is shining your battered armor,” Merlin grinned, and Arthur gasped.

               “Well… don’t let me get on your bad side then, eh? Wait… You used magic to do your chores? _Mer_ lin!” Arthur asked incredulously. Merlin merely shrugged and laughed some more.

               “With the work you give me, you really thought I could do it all alone? God you really are an idiot,” Merlin grinned, making his big ears stick out from under his hair. Arthur shook his head and chuckled.

               “Damn fool, you are. You’re going to get yourself killed,” Arthur fretted, and Merlin make a noncommittal sound.

               “Don’t worry,” Merlin said, and then bit his lip. Arthur could see that he wanted to say something, and he geared himself up for it.

               “What is it, Merlin?”

               “Now what? What about us? Uther won’t let you marry a servant, let alone a _male_ servant. I mean, not that I’m thinking of marriage already or anything but um… How are we going to make this work? I don’t want to have to hide for the rest of my life,” Merlin worried, and Arthur understood. His father wouldn’t let him go after Merlin’s attacker, he would not be okay with marriage.

               “Merlin, one day I’ll be king, and things will be different,” Arthur simply replied.

               “How different?” Merlin asked. Arthur thought for a moment before continuing.

               “Magic will come back. Not completely, but magic will slowly come back to Camelot, starting with a new position in the Court, the Court Sorcerer. The wars against the druids will stop, and people will stop dying. I’ll make sure of it.

               “We’ll get married, if you want. I don’t mind in the slightest. We’ll rule the kingdom side by side, and you’ll keep me in check while I keep you out of trouble. For now we’ll walk the halls together and we won’t care what my father thinks. We will always be together despite what he will do. When I become king, we’ll make it official. The knights will listen to both you and me, and the kingdom will prosper. Camelot will enter a golden age under our rule,” Arthur promised, and Merlin nodded.

               “Who’s keeping who out of trouble, hm?” Merlin teased Arthur and Arthur flicked one of Merlin’s large ears. He pushed his fingers into Merlin’s knotted hair and kissed him again.

               “Does all that sound good to you? I only want it with you, Merlin,” Arthur asked in between kisses, and Merlin pulled away to look him in the eyes.

               “Yeah, you idiot,” his blue eyes twinkled, and Arthur suddenly felt like everything was going to be alright.

**_ ~La Fin~ _ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, so that's it. Thank you all so much for reading, it was one of the only things motivating me. I hoped you liked it. 
> 
> ~ Anika


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